Keeping the faith.. 

One of greys most heartbreaking moments was when Meredith broke down in the elevator when Callie (pregnant w/ Sofia) got into a car accident. She said “If you can think of a reason any reason at all why the universe is so screwed up and random and mean, now would be an amazingly good time to tell me because I need answers” 
I had a moment like that yesterday. Right when I thought we had everything figured out, the universe threw us a curve ball. Sometimes I cry so hard I can’t breathe and yesterday was one of those times. I wanted to take my own life because of the shitty ass situation we’re still in. But every time I think of taking my own life, I think of how unfair it would be to my mother. She’d be so broken and I’m not selfish enough to do that to her. Or to my dad, siblings, and anyone else who actually cares about me. I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to keep it together. Thought it’d be easier to just die than keep stressing over this. I’m tired of all this pain. It’s that ‘put me outta my misery’ type pain. It’s too much. Almost unbearable. He never promised it’d be easy but he did promise that he’d be with us through it all. God’s timing is perfect. Simple. However, it’s getting harder and harder to accept it after all we’re going through. Times are hard right now and I don’t know how much more we can take but we’re keeping the faith. Even though what we’re going through really sucks, God is still working. Even though times are tough right now, God is still on our side. God is larger than time. I believe that something good will come out of this. I believe that God has never left us and will never leave us. I believe that God will get us through what seems like a never ending tunnel of trouble and misfortune. I believe that God will answer our prayers because he is bigger than our situation. God has taught us countless times that we can’t control the uncontrollable.. Only he can. No matter how much longer it takes, we’re keeping the faith. 

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